Pro Active !!!!

May be just maybe school are finally learning to communicate, I know shock horror.

I got a phone call from Oliver’s tutor on Friday before Oliver had finished school to let me know there had been a incident in school between Oliver and one of his friends.  The incident at first was thought to be serious and the tutor got reports from others that were there and then he spoke to both boys together, after speaking to them it turnout that it was all a very big misunderstanding from both the boys and not helped by others getting involved and stiring things a little more. Once he had spoken to them they had realised the misunderstanding and  they had both gone back to lesson friends and happy.  But he called me to let me know what had happened and that it was sorted but he would keep and eye on things over this week.

I have never had a call like this and normally have to deal with Oliver in a bad way from whatever has happened once he is home, trying to piece information from him while emailing his tutor who can’t do anything as it’s the weekend and then have Oliver bad over the weekend stewing on things from the Friday before and him not wanting to go in on the Monday.  Thankfully the tutor called for this reason to let me know what had happened and that I didn’t need to be chasing school.

Thankfully Oliver came out of school happy and we briefly spoke about what had happened.

Some of the comments from the tutor however did concern me, in the fact he didn’t fully understand ASD and I had to point out that some of the things he was saying like not reading body language would be Oliver’s ASD.

But all in all a good step forward in communication and understanding, lets hope it can carry on.

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Confusion and gathering information

OK, so we are awaiting and Education psychologist report to come through with in the next week or two to find out were Oliver stands to what support he might need for school in core subjects.   This is a long wait might I had,  while also awaiting an appointment with Occupational Therapy.  This weekend I choose to help Oliver more with SPAG at home, giving him his tablet to help him focus we did a page of fractions (Maths being one of his faves this wasn’t a problem)   However SPAG was another thing all together, we did one page and he didn’t seem to get it.  I don’t understand how his English Teacher can say there are no issues and he can do more complex work when at home he can’t do the simple tasks,  we did Prefixes, so nothing major and he didn’t get some of it.   We even did his spelling homework, now for this all I do it make Oliver copy out the words three times, just copy from a sheet to writing them down and he was missing out letters. It’s like this in his homework diary he can’t seem to copy things word for word he misses out so much.  So if he can’t do this for writing out his homework and copying things at home, how can he be doing it in school?  Why has no one seem to pick up on this?  The more I think about the more I think he is going unnoticed in Class.

I though I would do some of t his work to one help Oliver and two to show the Occupational Therapist his handwriting and letter forming as that is one main reason we are awaiting an appointment, now I wish I had done this for the Educational Psychologist too to have examples rather than just speaking about it.

Oh well lets await a report and see what happens from there, maybe if it comes back he’s fine I will show school the work at home, but then when I look at his school work I can see the same things in there.

Maybe some of his teachers just can’t be bothered to understand and work with him?  Some are fabulous tho and a true credit to the profession.   Maybe the unhelpful ones shouldn’t be teaching?

I guess time will tell on how things go and in the mean time Oliver carries on struggling and losing interest in school, the scary thing is this could carry on, unless something changes.

Draining

OK, this could be long or short lets see with how the typing goes.

On Friday we had a meeting with and Educational Psychologist at school now our son already diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD and Motor Dyspraxia.  But we feel school aren’t supporting his needs and in areas it’s our word against school so I guess to silence us they agree to bring in and Ed Psy to agree with them.   Now having a few of these meetings when our son was younger to get on the pathway to diagnoses what hard, they had their own ideas and didn’t really listen to us and someone from school was always in the meetings.

Well Friday it was just us no school staff and what a meeting, we told him of the conditions Oliver has and how school said there might be one more but he explained that is was just a label and not much medical or normal research had gone into the condition and there for he wouldn’t be saying he had it and it is link to another condition of Dyspraxia, now as he explain Oliver has Dyspraxia within the Motor side of things and for the first time he explained more about it and was surprised Oliver had been diagnosed with Motor Dyspraxia rather than just Dyspraxia, as the motor side is the most visible but its the brain side behind it.

We were able to say all our concerns about Oliver and the response we had from teachers and the school.  He made some many notes and it he agrees with a lot of things we said,  from what we had said he worked out the best assessments for Oliver to do with him.  We explained we think Oliver struggles with English and Science and how we think he might need 121 support for those subjects and we believe he struggles more in other subjects for for now our focus is core subjects.

We explained we had applied for and ECHP assessment and had been turned down and we wanted to know what support Oliver needed and what support we could get for him.  The assessments that were done with Oliver will decide if he is behind, needs support or struggles.  In the report it will tell us if an ECHP would be a good idea.

So after pouring your heart out and feeling emotional drained from it, we did come out feeling that we were listened too and not brushed off. So now we have the waiting game of getting the report back and we can have another meeting with him to discuss the report or change anything we think shouldn’t be on there.

For me I look forward to getting the report back and having a meeting with school on how best to support Oliver going forward.

Maybe I am being too hopeful and all will come back that there is no concerns and the concerns I have for Oliver at home with homework is not the same as school. So lets hold our breath and wait and see.

An ASD mind

How does an ASD mind work?

How can we enter their world to help them?

I don’t think we ever know, the reason for questioning it I guess is a small matter to me but massive to my son time and time again.   He was out with his football today and while playing with it his football has been popped, the devastation and upset this has caused and in the pasted is awful, as much as I can say don’t worry about it we can get you a new one, the hurt for him is awful we have had tears for a football.   He now doesn’t want to do anything and is downright miserable.

I guess when it’s their obsession and something breaks as part of that or goes missing they have to go through their own grieving stage. The broken football is now apart of a football display on top of his wardrobe and we await the arrival of the new football with the hope it will cheer him up.  With one football missing that isn’t to say he doesn’t have other footballs old ones which are still good to use but have been replaced with a newer model they are all in the cupboard awaiting to be used.   I guess the upset is over the fact that the popped ball is his newest one.

Anything with football that becomes old or broken tends to become part of his collection, unless he feels ready to let it go to another child, such as shirts, shorts and boots, but some remain apart of an ever growing collection.

I guess it is tough for us to understand their world, we can try as much as we like and we can help as much as we can but we never truly know what it is like for them to be them to live in a world they don’t understand, all we can do is love them and support them the best way we can.  In this case lots of hugs, listening and a place for the old football and a new one on the way.

When something goes right

A proud moment here, my son as you have seen from other posts loves football more than anything else.   To help keep in happy and active in the holidays he generally does a football holiday camp with Chelsea FC foundation, I have to say I loved them amazing coaches who go above and beyond with all children.  My son today was awarded the Head Coach Player of the week trophy today for giving it his all for the last four days.    He is so happy its unreal and really proud of himself and its helped his confidence today as well.  He always comes home having had a really good day, going over skills and then mini games in the afternoon, he’s always hot and sweaty from working so hard, but it shows that even with additional needs our children can still shine in a mainstream holiday camp.  He even does their invitation only club on a Friday evening and I am sure when he is back after half term he will go in with a little more confidence 🙂

 

Also on a positive note had to go to the GP for a referral to OT as school had requested it and the GP has done the referral for us. (yepiee) so now we need to see if we get an assessment with OT and possible help again.  So many issues there not just handwriting.

 

x

When life gives you lemons!

When life gives you lemons fight back and make Lemonade!

 

So at recent CAMHs appointments and other I have been asked if Oliver has an ECH plan, nope he doesn’t!  Why ?  Well Oliver holds it all together at school and on their creditors (reward system) he is in the top 10 for his whole year (about 120 children) He is wonderful at school and they don’t see any issues.

Oliver explodes once he is home from school where he feels safe and isn’t judged, of course of things are really bad the I email in to school, some times getting a reply and sometimes not.

With half term now up on us and Oliver having a chance to decompress I am on a mission to fight back with school.  Will I get anywhere who knows but I have massive issues.

So I guess this blog is for me to get my head around what I would want for Oliver what are the issues and what I have done so far !

So Oliver has been at this school for 2 and a 1/2 years and in the low years (KS2) he had amazing teachers who understood the issues and supported him,  KS3 he has lots of different teachers and they don’t understand him.  When I went in at the start of term I was given a quick 20 minute meeting to be told they have no concerns and my concerns were they have seen and worked with worst.

Oliver’s handwriting is awful, I can’t read it and he has been told by his science teacher she is unable to read it and he has to do something else when the others are writing, how is that helping  ?  This was one of my concerns at the start of the year which according to the SENCO and his tutor isn’t an issue?  I have to teach him touch typing for them to think about allowing him a computer in school.  I would work on hand writing at home like we have done before under his good teachers but nothing has come home to help us.

Teachers haven’t understood his condition resulting in me emailing in, which one email I had a reply the other ignored and both ignored by the SENCO.

So how do I get and ECH plan when they think nothing is wrong, how do I get the support for handwriting when they’ve seen worst?

A email has gone into school requesting a meeting I believe I need to sit down and come up with my concerns and Oliver’s and see what happens and maybe ask CAMHs to help.

I am not the only parent who has had issues with school and the SENCO.

What would you suggest to help or advise?

 

I shall keep you posted x

 

Other Children

How do you explain to your child about other people’s behavior and then that person blaming it on their disability IE ADHD or ASD, when you never let your child use the conditions as an excuse for bad behavior.

Oliver was at an after school club when a boy push Oliver towards the ground and pushed his neck (I believe, that’s the story we have, even though it wasn’t fully witnessed)  The adult in charge saw the end of what was happening and spoke to the child involved and told him if he he did anything like that again he wouldn’t be allowed back.  The child turned around and said he was angry and the adult told him that wasn’t an excuse he had to learn to control anger (in a nice caring way to help the child and not make them feel worst I am sure)  then the child said I have ADHD and can’t help it.  To which the adult replied that Oliver has ADHD but he doesn’t behave like that and the child calmed down and went off for a while then came back feeling unwell.

Where is the line we drawn in letting their disability become and excuse?  I know most children have anger issues with ADHD and ASD, I know Oliver does and when we can see him getting angry or he knows he is then we walks away to his room to calm down and when out and about or at school he bottles it up until he comes home and then he deals with it.  He has never hit anyone from anger let alone another child,  So why should another child?  Oliver now doesn’t understand why he was hurt because of someone with ADHD when he has the same and has never done it.  Who is to blame the child (who has can’t control it or has never been taught how to control it) Or the parent ?  In my own personal view and some may hate me for this but I blame the parents for not helping to teach their child, and maybe I am wrong but for allowing the child to use their condition as an excuse for this behavior like this is wrong. Where will the lashing out end someone being seriously hurt.

Why isn’t there more support and understanding out there for one the children involved and even adults with these conditions and more support for parents to help our children to understand a confusing world and a confusing condition.

When will the cycle end?