What a start to the week!

As you can tell from previous blogs school isn’t listening to us and brushing things under the carpet, our son isn’t too bad he just needs support in English and his handwriting, maybe even science with his grade dropping! 

Anyhow back in April we wrote a letter to the head teachers with no reply what so ever and even with the SENCO a term on our son doesn’t have a surface/tablet to help with teachers reading his work.

Well yesterday some peed of parents wrote a letter to the govonors of the school and emailed it to them, well I woke up this morning to a reply that they are going to speak to school and get them to contact me. 

Let’s see what the week brings ūüėÄ

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Other Children

How do you explain to your child about other people’s behavior and then that person¬†blaming it on their disability IE ADHD or ASD, when you never let your child use the conditions as an excuse for bad behavior.

Oliver was at an after school club when a boy push Oliver towards the ground and pushed his neck (I believe, that’s the story we have, even though it wasn’t fully witnessed) ¬†The adult in charge saw the end of what was happening and spoke to the child involved and told him if he he did anything like that again he wouldn’t be allowed back. ¬†The child turned around and said he was angry¬†and the adult told him that wasn’t an excuse he had to learn to control anger (in a nice caring way to help the child and not make them feel worst I am sure) ¬†then the child said I have ADHD and can’t help it. ¬†To which the adult replied that Oliver has ADHD but he doesn’t behave like that and the child calmed down and went off for a while then came back feeling unwell.

Where is the line we drawn in letting their disability become and excuse? ¬†I know most children have anger issues with ADHD and ASD, I know Oliver does and when we can see him getting angry or he knows he is then we walks away to his room to calm down and when out and about or at school he bottles it up until he comes home and then he deals with it. ¬†He has never hit anyone from anger let alone another child, ¬†So why should another child? ¬†Oliver now doesn’t understand why he was hurt because of someone with ADHD when he has the same and has never done it. ¬†Who is to blame the child (who has can’t control it or has never been taught how to control it) Or the parent ? ¬†In my own personal view and some may hate me for this but I blame the parents for not helping to teach their child, and maybe I am wrong but for allowing the child to use their condition as an excuse for this behavior like this is wrong. Where will the lashing out end someone being seriously hurt.

Why isn’t there more support and understanding out there for one the children involved and even adults with these conditions and more support for parents to help our children to understand a confusing world and a confusing condition.

When will the cycle end?

Cookery

Well today Oliver had cookery, he has had two previous lessons in the kitchen, learning the rules and basics.  But today he cooked!

Every secondary school we looked around with our daughter Oliver hated the kitchens the smell would send him into melt down. So as you can image this was one I would worry about maybe more than I should have.  Oliver cooked bread rolls today, cleaned up (all the drying up and cleaning the kitchen table down must be helping him and his sister).

He came out so proud of what he had done, and when I asked him if the smells had bothered him he said “no” ¬†So it must be different for him when he is involved nothing bothers him but looking around it did. ¬†All the dough was made for them they just had to roll them into balls¬†put them in the oven under adult supervision I am told, take them out and clear up, so washing up, drying up and cleaning down the benches.

One happy mummy and tasty yummy rolls, he can’t wait for next lesson.

Awards

Well it’s the first week back after Christmas and things seem to be going well still. Oliver is having a good week the homework picked up a little in the middle of the week and he coped well, he completed all this homework in the one evening. ¬†His response was if I do it all tonight then 1. I can go to football training and 2. if I don’t get homework tomorrow then I will only have reading to do and can have a night off. That’s what happened ūüôā

Oliver came out of school yesterday as normal no reaction from him on anything and then he goes into his book bag and pulls out a small certificate with a big smile on his face.  He was awarded Star of the Week for working hard and always doing the right thing.

As you can image for children with ASD and ADHD doing the right thing isn’t always possible and concentration¬†can stop them from working as hard as they might. ¬†So a massive proud mummy moment for not only Oliver getting the award but for the reasons too ūüôā

New School

Well since September Oliver has been in a new school after our move at the beginning of the year and so far things have gone well.

Before he started school allowed a few visits a different times for Oliver to see what goes on in the school day, the sound of the bell, the lunch hall, break time and more he met his teacher and spent time in the classroom before starting as well. All these things helped him look forward to starting a new school. ¬†Once he started the help hasn’t stopped and he has weekly groups for different things and with others in his class as well.

We are two terms in and  Oliver loves school something we have never had, he has been moved to top set in maths and they can see how bright he is and what he excels in and what he needs help in.  He has and extra reading diary and reading book as that is one of his weakness and one of his hates.

With out being rude he is in a school with children that have other learning difficulties and he doesn’t stand out any more he has a another child in his class with ASD and Oliver’s reply to me was he is he doesn’t feel stupid or different because he knows someone else who has the same as he does. I thought that was lovely as one thing we tried to do is not make Oliver feel different or not allow him to try the new things he wants to.

As parents we are pleased with the schools support and I do hope it carries on, but for most of all we are happy that Oliver is happy. Now he is happy we have less meltdowns after school he is now able to keep up with all school work, there isn’t the pressure there any more he can do things in his time, not be rushed and have a high level to achieve then he did before. Lets hope this carries on. ūüôā

Happy New Year

After a busy and strange couple of months I need to get back into the habit of blogging and letting off some steam from bad or good days.

Happy New Year

Support

With our children we all hope once we have a diagnosis that we might finally have some help and support, but is this the case or just a nice dream?

 

We are all told or notice that our child is different to other children of the same age, whether it be lack of eye contact, no social interaction, sensory overload and much more. We all follow the same path to be diagnosed which for most is a very long and hard road and being passed around to too many medical professions, if you one of the lucky ones then sometimes your diagnosis is an easy one. But then comes the hard part.

 

 

We got our Asperger’s diagnosis first but the doctor thought Oliver might have ADHD as well so we went down the road of more appointments and assessments and then came the diagnosis of ADHD that was more of a shock for me, as it was something that had never been discussed as a problem Oliver might have, looking back all the signs where there but I didn’t know enough about it, Asperger’s I had because it has been mentioned to us and also once it was mentions I did the research.

 

Once you have the diagnosis what do you do, where do you turn too ? I remember getting Oliver‚Äôs and feeling hopeful we might start getting support and the statement school where going for but how wrong was I. We got ours and then the Educational Psychologist did an IQ test on Oliver and he came out average so they said that we couldn’t go for a statement and that he didn’t need a statement but he was behind and needed help in other areas, but school supported that, and we had to agree. Oliver was behind in everything but once we started medication with Oliver his school work improved because he was now able focus for longer this wasn’t a short process but over time it helped. Even today he still has major problems and needs a lot of support but he is doing OK.

 

How many of you have thought or been told you child needed a statement to never get one for some silly reason? How many of you have a school that doesn’t understand your child’s needs? Is there anyone other than you as a parent who understand your child’s needs?

 

Once we got our Asperger’s syndrome diagnosis we where told that a Autism Special Teacher would be going into school to help support Oliver, but this would only be once every 6 weeks, if Oliver had, had a statement this would have been every two weeks. This support is good but how good can it be once every 6 weeks or so and how long are they in school for that visit? You hope once you have a diagnosis that things will fall into place that school understand Autism and that they know your child so they are able to support them. I am grateful that this special needs teacher goes into school and can give Oliver support for however long or short, anything is better than nothing and he seems to like this teacher. She helps him with social skills which is a key for our children.

 

Other than this support there is no other support, your special needs teacher run an Autism course which I have to say I found very helpful in understanding a little more but once this course is complete there is no other support.

 

I have found parent support groups helpful. Berkshire Autistic Society run a parents support group once a month which is great but there needs to be more, I haven’t found any support for ADHD, with this day and age and how many children have these condition why is there a lack of knowledge and support?

 

It seems us parents only have each other to turn too. Coffee mornings are great and support groups on Facebook where you have a chance to chat to unload and too just talk and have someone not judging you and understanding you is a massive help.

 

As parents stay strong you all do an amazing job x