Other Children

How do you explain to your child about other people’s behavior and then that person blaming it on their disability IE ADHD or ASD, when you never let your child use the conditions as an excuse for bad behavior.

Oliver was at an after school club when a boy push Oliver towards the ground and pushed his neck (I believe, that’s the story we have, even though it wasn’t fully witnessed)  The adult in charge saw the end of what was happening and spoke to the child involved and told him if he he did anything like that again he wouldn’t be allowed back.  The child turned around and said he was angry and the adult told him that wasn’t an excuse he had to learn to control anger (in a nice caring way to help the child and not make them feel worst I am sure)  then the child said I have ADHD and can’t help it.  To which the adult replied that Oliver has ADHD but he doesn’t behave like that and the child calmed down and went off for a while then came back feeling unwell.

Where is the line we drawn in letting their disability become and excuse?  I know most children have anger issues with ADHD and ASD, I know Oliver does and when we can see him getting angry or he knows he is then we walks away to his room to calm down and when out and about or at school he bottles it up until he comes home and then he deals with it.  He has never hit anyone from anger let alone another child,  So why should another child?  Oliver now doesn’t understand why he was hurt because of someone with ADHD when he has the same and has never done it.  Who is to blame the child (who has can’t control it or has never been taught how to control it) Or the parent ?  In my own personal view and some may hate me for this but I blame the parents for not helping to teach their child, and maybe I am wrong but for allowing the child to use their condition as an excuse for this behavior like this is wrong. Where will the lashing out end someone being seriously hurt.

Why isn’t there more support and understanding out there for one the children involved and even adults with these conditions and more support for parents to help our children to understand a confusing world and a confusing condition.

When will the cycle end?

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Cookery

Well today Oliver had cookery, he has had two previous lessons in the kitchen, learning the rules and basics.  But today he cooked!

Every secondary school we looked around with our daughter Oliver hated the kitchens the smell would send him into melt down. So as you can image this was one I would worry about maybe more than I should have.  Oliver cooked bread rolls today, cleaned up (all the drying up and cleaning the kitchen table down must be helping him and his sister).

He came out so proud of what he had done, and when I asked him if the smells had bothered him he said “no”  So it must be different for him when he is involved nothing bothers him but looking around it did.  All the dough was made for them they just had to roll them into balls put them in the oven under adult supervision I am told, take them out and clear up, so washing up, drying up and cleaning down the benches.

One happy mummy and tasty yummy rolls, he can’t wait for next lesson.

Awards

Well it’s the first week back after Christmas and things seem to be going well still. Oliver is having a good week the homework picked up a little in the middle of the week and he coped well, he completed all this homework in the one evening.  His response was if I do it all tonight then 1. I can go to football training and 2. if I don’t get homework tomorrow then I will only have reading to do and can have a night off. That’s what happened 🙂

Oliver came out of school yesterday as normal no reaction from him on anything and then he goes into his book bag and pulls out a small certificate with a big smile on his face.  He was awarded Star of the Week for working hard and always doing the right thing.

As you can image for children with ASD and ADHD doing the right thing isn’t always possible and concentration can stop them from working as hard as they might.  So a massive proud mummy moment for not only Oliver getting the award but for the reasons too 🙂

New School

Well since September Oliver has been in a new school after our move at the beginning of the year and so far things have gone well.

Before he started school allowed a few visits a different times for Oliver to see what goes on in the school day, the sound of the bell, the lunch hall, break time and more he met his teacher and spent time in the classroom before starting as well. All these things helped him look forward to starting a new school.  Once he started the help hasn’t stopped and he has weekly groups for different things and with others in his class as well.

We are two terms in and  Oliver loves school something we have never had, he has been moved to top set in maths and they can see how bright he is and what he excels in and what he needs help in.  He has and extra reading diary and reading book as that is one of his weakness and one of his hates.

With out being rude he is in a school with children that have other learning difficulties and he doesn’t stand out any more he has a another child in his class with ASD and Oliver’s reply to me was he is he doesn’t feel stupid or different because he knows someone else who has the same as he does. I thought that was lovely as one thing we tried to do is not make Oliver feel different or not allow him to try the new things he wants to.

As parents we are pleased with the schools support and I do hope it carries on, but for most of all we are happy that Oliver is happy. Now he is happy we have less meltdowns after school he is now able to keep up with all school work, there isn’t the pressure there any more he can do things in his time, not be rushed and have a high level to achieve then he did before. Lets hope this carries on. 🙂

Happy New Year

After a busy and strange couple of months I need to get back into the habit of blogging and letting off some steam from bad or good days.

Happy New Year

Holding Back

Holding Back

How many of us as parents hold back our children with Apserger’s and ADHD ? Allowing our children to try something new something they might be success for in or maybe fail, how many of us stop our children taking part for fear of failure, fear of meltdowns?

One thing I have always tried to do it not stop my son for trying new things, I am not sure I have always followed what I set out to do but I do try my best.

For my sons Christmas present he wanted to go to Reading FC holiday soccer school, (He loves football and it is his obsession) So two days was book in October half term and then three days where booked for December. Wow is all I can say.

From the time I booked the holiday course we heard of nothing else and the excitement my son had was massive, he talked of nothing else and I do hope he didn’t annoy his teachers too much.

The morning of the first session came and he was so excited, when we dropped him off he went quiet, I can only think the moment had become to overwhelming for him, he was finally there, he was in Reading FC training dome with Reading Coaches. We left him and I have to say I did nothing but worry all day, would he be ok ? Would I get a phone call? What was happening? But the worry was for nothing, when I picked it him he had taking in his surrounding and settled, he had a blast. A non stop day of football and one more to look forward too he had loved it. He was of course knackered but talked non stop in the car most of his talking was of the children that had broken the rules and had been sent home. (My son when out or in school will stick to rules and doesn’t like it when others break them) It was later in the day and coming weeks we would find out more of what he had done once he had processed what he had done.

The next day he went in a little more confident because he had been there the day before and knew what to expect, they where walked down to watch Reading FC’s first team train in an opening training session and my son loved that, he was a little annoyed that the other boys weren’t so interested in watching the team train. He was taking in everything to learn what he could to take in to his football and his team training sessions. His December training was much the same.

I had done what I wanted to do I had allowed him to go and not let his conditions stop him from doing something he wanted to do. He now would love to be picked for the academy and one day play for Reading FC. This is the one thing I have had to say might not be possible as most boys want to become footballers and not many of them make it. But what a nice dream to have for the time being.