Change / Self Hating.

Good Afternoon

It’s been quite some time since I last blogged and so much has happened.

 

We have moved house and even tho everything seams to be fine with Oliver I am now not quite so sure.

 

When we moved in we had nightmare of everything upside down and Oliver not coping, there was a lot for us to do when we moved in painting, carpet laying etc. My main concern was Oliver and as soon as we had keys we started to paint his room first so he would feel a little settled, he seamed ok and then carpet was laid in his room and his room was finally all set up. He was happy other rooms took a little longer and for a while Oliver would avoid those rooms if he could help it. I put in place everything he has for his safe zones and to help him keep calm, which did help a great deal and that is one thing I do like is knowing what will help Oliver and having that in place for him.

 

Now we are settled at home things with Oliver aren’t always great, they are on a weekend but in the week it can’t be hell. We have moved town and even tho both Oliver and his sister are at the same school for the time being, Oliver isn’t enjoying school.

 

His sister is leaving the school first and joining her new school in April (this isn’t anything new as Oliver knew she would be attending a different school come September anyway as she is moving onto secondary school) and Oliver knows he is on a waiting list for his new school, but he wants to go now as he doesn’t like where he is! He is in a school that are great at getting top results but I feel other skills suffer, there is so much pressure on these children that Oliver who used to be able to cope or let things ride over him because he was unaware of them is no longer happening.

 

Oliver has started to self hate, he thinks he isn’t good enough and he is stupid and lots of other things. I am not a 100 % sure where all this has come from, from little bits of information that Oliver has said to me I think small things are being said to him at school, I am not sure if Oliver is making a mountain out of a mole hill or whether they really are putting more pressure on him and saying he isn’t good enough?

 

I am telling Oliver he is good enough and you can only try your best and that he has bigger obstacles in his way and more to over come than other children.

 

Is it now he is older he is seeing the difference between himself and others in his class and the levels they are at to him, are the other children in his class who where once friends to a degree now being nasty? Are school putting more pressure on him and now he is finally cracking?

 

Or is this because he is in an adjustment period of moving house, awaiting his sister to leave school ? She is his go to person if things become to stressful in lunch.

 

Do I go and speak to school or leave it? I am sure if I go in there, they will be it’s not school it’s this and that, or the blank faces for them not knowing Autism of understanding it. Every time I have gone in things are meant to be put in place but it soon dies out, and school seem to think he doesn’t need a statement.

 

I am beginning to not know where to turn or what to do for the best. I am going to wait for my next CAMHs appointment to discuss this with them, but will this turn from self hating into self harming?

 

 

I can only hope he gets a place at his new school and this might all calm down?

 

Please get in touch if you have experienced this, advice or thoughts would be most welcome. It’s not easy for our children out in this big wide world and it isn’t easy for us as parents.

 

 

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